Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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