You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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