Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Randomize
