i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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