Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
