Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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