the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So squirting runs in the family.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
