How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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