They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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