hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
