my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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