thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
