and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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