ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
