New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
