I met the friendliest cop last night
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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