God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
