I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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