Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
