Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
