I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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