Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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