the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize