PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You need a sexual gate keeper
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
