you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
