Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
