you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
