new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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