and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
