No stitches, just platelets and will power
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Come share oat with me in your robe
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
