Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it hurts more in the daytime
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
