how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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