Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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