i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize