Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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