Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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