I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
