Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
