Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
