omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
