Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
