bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
