come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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