was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
