Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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