it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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