Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
