Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
