I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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