I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
