Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
