Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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