I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
