Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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