He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
