I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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