I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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