Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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