and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
