So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
