There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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