so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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