You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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