GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
