I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
