It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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