went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
