i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
