YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
