You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
