How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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