Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
