Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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