I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
