I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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