It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
