I want to make a zoo with you.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
