Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
