I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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