Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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