I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize