Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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