Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
