i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
