She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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