You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Send help, water and tortillas.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
