Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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