she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
