I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
